We all have moments of stress in our life, when we are faced with choices, situations, and experiences that can be over whelming. I tend to shut down and put a temporary lid on the top of everything, this means everything in my life gets the lid. From my wife, to my thoughts, everything is closed up tight, and sealed. Then I withdraw and try to see how all this can be solved, or dealt with. Wow, that sounds so very easy, but what a bunch of shit it causes.
Today I feel assaulted, under siege from all directions. Thankfully my wife is a calming force, who tends to handle things one at a time, as fast as possible. This is so different from me, but I have the greatest respect for her emotional strength.
On the other hand I tend to spend a bit to much time looking at the issue, before acting. I have the attitude of fuck that, fuck this, it can wait, or it we be taken care of later, let me freak out a bit, and then calm down. Maybe I escape in to the issue and get stuck there for a while, and that while can turn in to longer, and longer. One day I should work on being able to resolve these stress issues in a better manner, but part of me doesn't want to even consider that. It feels comfortable for me to be swirling around, a stress ball, being attacked from all directions. (All Paladins are used to be under attack in all directions*) Some of my stress converts to anger, which is much easier for me to wear.
Yes, I wear anger like an old pair of comfortable jeans, we have covered miles and years together. You see anger is the first emotion that I convert everything too. Well, almost everything! This was a dysfunctional emotional gift from my "sperm donor", and it is a part of me that can never be removed. I would write more but I have to address some pressing issues, dam stress, and to the hell with it!
*Fact taken from the Handbook of Paladins, "Randonammy Books", Phillip Shackelford, Work in process.
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