We all have moments of stress in our life, when we are faced with choices, situations, and experiences that can be over whelming. I tend to shut down and put a temporary lid on the top of everything, this means everything in my life gets the lid. It covers everthing it seems from me speaking, to my feelings, and even my thoughts, everything is closed up tight, and sealed.
Then I withdraw and try to see how all this can be solved, or dealt with, or pushed away. Wow, that sounds so very easy, but what a bunch of shit it causes. Today I feel assaulted, under siege from all directions. I tend to spend a bit to much time looking at the issue, before acting, or acting before looking at the issue at all. I have the attitude of it can wait, or it will be taken care of later, let me shut down for a while, and then settle down as always. Sometimes, maybe I escape in to the issue and get stuck there for a while, and that while can turn in to longer, and longer.
Every day I work on being able to resolve these stress issues in a better manner, but part of me doesn't want to even consider that. It feels comfortable for me to be swirling around, a stress ball, being attacked from all directions. (All Paladins are used to be under attack in all directions*)
Some of my stress converts to anger, which is much easier for me to wear. Yes, I wear anger like an old pair of comfortable jeans, we have covered miles and years together. You see anger is the first emotion that I convert everything too. Well, almost everything! This was a dysfunctional emotional gift from my "sperm donor", and it is a part of me, for better or worse. It's very rare that this anger boils over, it mostly trickles out. I would write more but I have to address some pressing issues, "stress, to hell with it..."
*Fact taken from the Handbook of Paladins, "Randonammy Books", Phillip Shackelford, Work in process.
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