The Angry Paladin

Somedays are just...

2011-08-12T01:33:00.003-04:00

Today, was not like other days. Ripped apart by the chaos of life. Some unending memories of times gone by, yet they have not traveled far enough down the road. It is a funny thing, this grief that is tearing away at me, time should close these wounds. It seems like forever ago it happened, it was not a shock or a surprise. I fully knew what was going to happen, or so I thought. I was shocked at what I was asked to do, to take care of...

Why? I was the oldest in the family, or maybe He could not handle it, or waste his time with it. Just a few days before this, I zipped up a body bag, and helped carry her to a hearse. She was so young, and full of life, how could this be? Any small amount of fairness and faith I had left went with her.

The question of humanity has been swilling through my mind, much like a leaf caught by the wind and set adrift. I have mixed grief and humanity together in to a depressing and endless question.

Why, was it so easy for him? I know the love they shared, in many ways was over and he had already moved on.

Fuck this is not what I wanted to write about tonight, so I think this is enough of my spilling out.

A Quick year!

2011-07-21T03:05:00.003-04:00

Wow, I really never do update this blog at all. The last year has brought a new series of trails and tribulations. New setbacks, and some minor steps forward. Really, it is more like crawling around in the dark, while being deaf at the same time. When I look back it seems so surreal. Time has been twisted and the days blurred. Not sure that it really even matters anymore?

Time to change my direction and look forward again, maybe put on some blinders so I can not see to the sides, and totally lose the view of the past. I have to resolve some things in my life. As I get older it seems so very important that I speak the truth loud and clear. I have to speak to several people, and if you are reading this you are more than likely ones of those individuals. Setting right some wrongs, and wronging some rights.

I must seek closure, or something that is close to that. Maybe, I can just agree to disagree. Yet, that never seems to sit well with me.

Rants of the wired, be warned...

2010-07-10T01:23:00.008-04:00

Wow, This blog is looking barren for 2010.

Some things that have happened so far this year, not in any order at all.

-Spent a wonder night with Wife, many times.
-Major kitchen fire, stayed at a local hotel for a week.
-Started a Group Therapy session, meets weekly.
-My wife, Dawn, in the hospital for about a few days, several times.
-Me, down with the flu and in bed for about a week and a half.
-Have really slowed down life due to chronic pain.
-My son, Drake, getting in trouble at school and being grounded.
-Me and my wife not communicating well, but in the end better then ever.
-After an almost 3 year battle with Social Security, I finally got approved.
-We move in to a new Place in Rochester Hills.
-Saw my first 3-D movie in 20 years and man, they rock now!
-Celebrated Christmas and Easter together with Rachel and her kids.
-Installed a ceiling fan, in fact three.
-Repaired the shower, and sink, and the other sink.
-Gotten really closer to my Son!
-Fixed the Oven Burner, needed a new one.
-Drove my Wife around, about 20 thousand miles.
-Rode with my Wife in car, about 2 miles, scared to death! LOL
-Missed having my Mom around. RIP 8/4/1993.
-Sick in bed for two to four days, at least 6 times.
-Drove my Son around, about 195 thousand miles ;-D
-Have been focusing on improving my overall health.
-Sleep walking around the house, but not outside, yet!
-Cheated on my Wife with four Whores at once! JK (Test to see if you ever read this)
-Wondering how to deal with "things in regard" to Lance.
-Trying to improve my memory, and concentration.
-Repaired the shower again, broken water diverter.
-And and on it goes, just a bit slower now...

48 Hour trip...

2009-11-10T02:27:00.002-05:00

It has been well over four years since the last trip up North. My wife and I drove up to Brethren, close to Manistee National Forest to visit her Aunts who live there. Her Aunt Monica was just released from the hospital the day before, after a month long battle with her health, that she almost lost.

The weather was great, and so was the time spent. It was a great relief for me to see my wife so happy, and to see her Aunts. Mary and Monica are both well into their seventy's now, and have lived on the same land for about forty five years. It was Aunt Mary who bought the fifteen acres, years ago for $750, and got another five acres after that. I had to laugh at the cost of the land, about 50 dollars an acre when Aunt Mary told me the story of how they came to live in such a remote place.

The land backs up against the border of the State Forest, so you walk out the back door, keep going for a bit and behold you are in the State Park!

I am sure that I can not come close to describing the beauty of the place they live, or the land they own. The barn, and the various other buildings that were built on this working farm, are in need of some repair. Livestock was mostly raised here, horses, chickens, and the lot. The last thing raised on this land was Fallow Deer, and of course some "barn cats", which were here in the hundreds, before the coyotes moved through the area. This place is every persons dream of what some land "Up North" should look like.

At night the stars were overhead waiting to greet my sight, with the awe and splendor that can only be seen in far away places. The thousand trees rustled in the soft breeze, singing out the wonderful song playing in my mind. For a few moments I was one with the land, the sky, and myself. All three united in a dance of boundless beauty, transcending time and space.

"I was going to take his Soul!"

2009-09-11T00:08:00.003-04:00

This Labor Day get together hosted by my brother and his wife. It was a wonderful group of family, some new and many old friends. I felt so much better, and had more hope for our family than I have had in over two years.

More to come....Sleepy.....not really any more than this
*~~~~ Night

Death in every verse...

2009-08-31T21:11:00.003-04:00

Cock it back and watch it go.

It really is about that simple; in this violent culture we are inborn to, and then further in forced by all that we are subjected to. It sometimes shocks me that one does not see more on the nightly news, but it's not like that anyone under fifty is watching. Yeah, but not what I really came on to rant about....

I hear words spill and tumble from the mouths of adults to the smallest of us. Can it be that only I hear death in every verse. What has to happen to open the minds, much less the ears of the masses.

What have the collective institutions taught us?
What have our role models helped with?
What have our peers shared with us?

Not enough...

Are you just an Ant?

2009-06-25T02:10:00.002-04:00

The movie the "Bucket List", (BTW, a must see IMHO) has a great quote:

"We Live, We Die, and The wheels on the bus go round and round"

I'm not so sure that it really is that simple, or maybe it just is, yet I would like to believe we are all here for a purpose. Maybe not a great humanity changing purpose.

Yet, most days, I feel like an ant, yes, those tiny insects running around in crazy paths. They seem to be doing nothing, but in fact are take care of the basic needs of their colony, the family.

In contrast to the vast size of the universe we live in, we are all ants! Yeah, some of the these ants have helped the colony, or civilization. They have made major leaps in production, energy, and least I not mention the great jumps in technology. Yet at the end of the day are we more than just a bigger version and hopefully smarter form of an ant.

Look around, look up...save the planet...do you think this planet needs us...we might want to start focusing on saving the big ants, and the small ones too. This planet Earth can survive for millions of years with out any big ants, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.

I don't know, do you?

2009-05-27T17:02:00.003-04:00

Many times in life we really do not fully understand something, be it a problem, questions, or more complex issue. The later is what I'm wondering about. These complex issues run the gambit of the very academic in nature, to the very personal. The personal questions that we have, to me are the most interesting. Many times we are not even aware that the issue before us is a questions, that we really do have choices that we can make.

In other cases some of us, have no idea we even have a question that needs to be addressed, in lies in the subconscious mind. It lurks in the dark, hiding from us. These thoughts must be pulled forward, but how can this be done when we don't even know about them. Mostly time, and personal growth add the needed light, and of course professional mental health workers can help.

Over the last eight or so years, I have worked very had to answer many of these complex issues, before that I did not really know about them, or did I? Not to sure about that, the questions about why I did this or that back then did not seem so important. It is a constant struggle to solve these most important issue, and know even more. I don't know what else to do, do you?

Can be rebuilt, really?

2009-05-08T20:29:00.004-04:00

Today was my sister Rachel's first of many operations to be performed at William Beaumont Hospital. I was told by her Doctor that this was the worst step of the rebuilding process. To back up a bit, she had her cancer surgery at Karmos Institute, and the Detroit Medical Center. They did the job of destroying her body, yet at the same time saving her life from the ravages of the disease. Today she is cancer free and living strong!

My sweet, lovable sister is so terribly afraid of surgery, procedures, and other medical stuff! Can't blame her, as most of it hurts. They want to cut, snip, and OMG - the stuff they did today is just the fucking start.

More to come soon...

Another Day...

2009-05-05T01:54:00.002-04:00

Most days seem to pass with out much to do, yet a few stand out. Today wasn't one of them to brag about, but a few things made it different. Yet, it started out the same, and is ending much the same :-)

I talked with my ex wife for over an hour, without losing my temper, or being to frustrated, but them again the Xanax helps... JK! I was very happy to hear that she has a new companion in her life and seems happy. Yet, something just didn't feel right about what she said about him, nothing major, just a feeling. It has taken a long time for her to find someone that meets all of her qualifications, no idea what they are, but I'm sure he must be nothing like me.

In Fact I was not a very good husband in many ways, but at the time it was the best I could do. In her words today, "It has taken her a long time to trust." I once again did apologize for the pain I had caused her. I'm sure that I'm a much better ex husband, than I was as a husband.

Our conversation was focused around our son, and was a bunch of questions about how he is doing in all the different aspects of his life. It has been about four months since he has spent any time with his Mom, they were having issues for a good while and it finally reached a breaking point in late December. Since them he has been living with me full time.

I'm very conflicted about this issue, I don't feel like I should help her at all, due to her past actions. Overwhelming that is my concern as a father for my son, to repair this most important relationship with his Mother, so I try to help her with hints, advice, etc. I talk to my son endlessly about what has happened, and how he must take steps to correct it, alas it falls on deaf ears and a closed mind. I guess time will tell, and heal, as always.

Silence is Golden, or is it...

2009-05-04T00:40:00.002-04:00

We all have moments of stress in our life, when we are faced with choices, situations, and experiences that can be over whelming. I tend to shut down and put a temporary lid on the top of everything, this means everything in my life gets the lid. It covers everthing it seems from me speaking, to my feelings, and even my thoughts, everything is closed up tight, and sealed.

Then I withdraw and try to see how all this can be solved, or dealt with, or pushed away. Wow, that sounds so very easy, but what a bunch of shit it causes. Today I feel assaulted, under siege from all directions. I tend to spend a bit to much time looking at the issue, before acting, or acting before looking at the issue at all. I have the attitude of it can wait, or it will be taken care of later, let me shut down for a while, and then settle down as always. Sometimes, maybe I escape in to the issue and get stuck there for a while, and that while can turn in to longer, and longer.

Every day I work on being able to resolve these stress issues in a better manner, but part of me doesn't want to even consider that. It feels comfortable for me to be swirling around, a stress ball, being attacked from all directions. (All Paladins are used to be under attack in all directions*)

Some of my stress converts to anger, which is much easier for me to wear. Yes, I wear anger like an old pair of comfortable jeans, we have covered miles and years together. You see anger is the first emotion that I convert everything too. Well, almost everything! This was a dysfunctional emotional gift from my "sperm donor", and it is a part of me, for better or worse. It's very rare that this anger boils over, it mostly trickles out. I would write more but I have to address some pressing issues, "stress, to hell with it..."

*Fact taken from the Handbook of Paladins, "Randonammy Books", Phillip Shackelford, Work in process.

New Computer with Vista

2009-04-30T04:46:00.002-04:00

It finally happened, I had to give up my old system with my beloved XP operating system. The new computer has all the greatest bells and whistles, but it also has the dreaded OS (Operating system) Vista, which should be called a NOS (Network Operating system), since under the hood it looks more like a server than a traditional OS. Since you have to grant rights to everything, just so the programs can run. You can create users, and grant them permissions to login to your server, err, I mean computer, to share files, etc... Everything about this Vista, seems backwards, it tries to look like a Mac, but has menus and features that remind me of Windows NT.

This is the third day in with the server OS, err, computer OS, and frankly, Microsoft - can go piss off!

Sooner and Later, it seems...

2009-04-24T23:06:00.004-04:00

Just like the candy now and later, sooner and later it seems that most of us, come to a Ah-ha moment in life. Some refer to this as self discovery, to the more refined it can be coined the moment of enlightenment. A second in which life finally comes into focus, and the beauty of it is reviled.

It might be as simple as the monk who found the meaning in his masters lesson, who simply held a simple flower in front of him. The only problem is that the rest of the monks in the room did not understand. How can you show anyone the true meaning of something, when they lack the vision to see beyond what the material properties of something is. The flower for instance transends time, culture, and beauty that many of us simply can not understand.

Random Rants, Ramblings, and Blah Blah

2008-10-23T02:24:00.007-04:00

Never time to stay focused
Never time to stop doing
Never time to heal pain
Never time to reach out
Never time to blog post

What has changed my life since my last post, everything and nothing at all.

I have been around the world, but never left my backyard.
I know everything, but know nothing.
I am everywhere but nowhere.
I am everything, but nothing.

It is said that for every action that you take, a set of chain events is to follow, yet this can also be said if you take no action at all.

I have had four great days since I last posted, in no order at all....

I found out my sister after treatment is cancer free.
I woke up in the afternoon of a gray day, when I should not have.
I have had a wonderful evening with my sweetest love.
I got to rock out with my great son at his first concert, 6 bands, and hours in the mosh pit.

Soon things will change and be radically different, and it is my greatest hope that I gain insight, and knowledge through the time ahead. I do not have any fear of change, just wondering if I will be able to function to my fullest.

As a side note I should mention that I have formed a guild in the MMO, World of Warcraft (Wow), soon to be updated, I think Nov. 11 the new expansion will be released. The guild is called "Templar's of Azeroth", battle group "BloodLust", on the Oceanic realm. A major portion of the guild is from OZ, as the Aussies like to call it, and a few members from NZ, and the US. Least I forget to mention the one solo Japanese member, she has such a quick wit, very funny young lady.

And the winner of the most silicone carried by one person, is this freak!

My bottle caps for the http://www.mycokerewards.com/ program have taken over my desk space, since I'm to lazy to type in the codes.

Parents of the world unite

2008-09-05T18:06:00.003-04:00

My dear brothers, My fellow fathers, today I say NO to limited visitation. Today I say NO to a court telling me when I can see my child. Change is coming and with your help, it will be a success. Men have been over run by the court system for over the last 30 years, treated as 2nd class citizens, we've been persecuted, incarcerated, humiliated and enough is enough. It is time.

What can you do my fellow Paladins? Stay true to the ancient law of the Templar, always do what is right, even if the cost is the greatest sacrifice that you may ever have to make. Words mean little in contrast to the action that can be brought forth from all of us united. For one cause, for one purpose, to ensure that Fathers, after divorce, get equal time to see their children.

Personally, I have been divorced for well over 5 years now. And everyday it is a constant struggle to co-parent, and to even have a civil conversation with my ex-spouse. She has a view of life that is inconsistent and changes as the wind blows. She is a "butterfly" caught in a wind storm.

My son, is my life. He is my beakon, through my darkest days, he is the holy grail of all that I could be and all that he can be. Never have I had a more loving and caring bond with another human being. In many ways, I am his hero, yet he is my hero too. He stands up for himself verbally, when he knows that he must fight the wrong. He also is a Paladin, he will fight for justice, honor, salvation and rightousness. In a few short years, he will become a modern day Templar by joining the Marine corps. I have done my best to instill in him every part of me that is good and I have shown him every part of me that I am ashamed of. I have explained to him to learn from my lessons of failure and inadequacy.

In the end, we must petition courts on a local level and through our State representatives to change this lopsided visitation schedule that some beurocrat has created. This HAS to change. This WILL change. Today, I ask for your help, together, we will be an unstoppable force with our words and our actions in a peaceful and appropriate manner.

Do NOT accept what has been granted to you as the truth.
Do NOT accept what has been determined by your local court system.
Do NOT accept anything less than equal time with your sons or your daughters.
Do NOT accept what you have been told.

The struggle will continue and will be an ongoing battle but we will stay the day and have Godspeed behind us.

MMO Noobs, newbies, and nubs

2008-07-07T17:57:00.003-04:00

When you first start playing any MMO, you are a noob. That is to say, you don't know a lot about the game, or you do and you have started a new "toon" or character to beg for money, or free items, or just cause other players general grief.

First, let's talk about the true noob, if you are new to the game, read the directions and know how to move, use items, trade, ect... Also read about the game in the forums, and you must know a little bit about direction. Don't beg for money, ask for help or hits of how to make money. If you must beg for money, ask for a specific amount, and let them know what you are buying with it.

Next, is the noob beggar, who will stand in a heavily traffic area and say the same thing over and over. Always asking for some gold pieces, or spare items. They should be able to be PK'ed IMHO.

Lastly, I will address the noobs who are just around to provide grief. They can do anything depending on the MMO, such as, in CSS (Counter Strike Source), a great way to annoy your fellow players is to block them, or toss flash grenades right on top of you. In Wow (World of Warcraft), you can be pushed off boats in the middle of the ocean, or toons follow you around, always asking you to duel.

True noobs are funny they ask for diections to places they are already standing in, and need to have the most basic things walked through for them. In the end Noobs provide a warm welcome to MMO's and help to keep it balanced out.

PS. A high level player who is asing about simple things, might have bought their account, this would make them a "Choob", and a cheater. Yet, in Everquest it is not against the rules to buy a toon, but this might have changed since I last played.

Right now I'm a mid level player in Wow, having just started a few weeks ago, but I'm not a noob. I have read through the forums, bought a book of maps, and have taken notes like a mad man. I even went one step further and installed wowmatrix, and have several modules load at start up. This does change the interface which is not against the rules, and adds some helpful information, just a click away. Get the add on at http://www.wowmatrix.com

Games, games, and more games

2008-06-30T11:21:00.003-04:00

I am an avid player of many different types of computer games. FPS, MMO, simulations, strategy, board games, sports games, etc...

Now I find myself playing to many MMOs: Runescape, World of Warcraft, Fiesta, and Rappelz. This is way to many online games to keep the commands, and key maps correct for each game. It is sometimes funny, and frustrating at the same time. In Wow, I'm selecting to target something, but the wrong keys, and I'm casting a spell. LOL

Just got Tiger Woods 2008 golf game off of Ebay for less than five dollars, with shipping, this is a great value and a super game! I don't really care for the new swing methods, I use the old three click method! The new swing methods, use the mouse sliding in some wacko way, to the side, and then hold the left button, change the direction, and hold the other mouse button, Gees. It is worse then trying to really play golf. EA sports epic fail!

Also, a while back got Oblivion, with all the expansions, yet another great Ebay snag! So it waits on the shelf waiting, the best game to come out in years. Stuck in the waiting place.

As a side note I must mention that Bethesda Software is using the Oblivion game engine in possibly the greatest game project ever, Fallout 3. In you have not played the Fallout series of games, you are far from Elite, and would this be the worst Epic Fail in your sorry "%^#@" gaming history. Minus -500 points, and demotion to a complete and utter choob! Redemption is close at hand, go out and buy Fallout, Fallout 2, and Fallout Tactics. Complete then all to, and learn to pwd in a single player game with no cheats. Meet you at Alpha base, bring extra stim packs your going to need them, friendly fire from an avenger mini gun, really tears it up. BTW, Welcome to the Brotherhood of Steel!

Money, or note? That is the Question.

2008-06-19T05:34:00.001-04:00

In most modern countries, money comes in the form of coins and printed bills. Most of us have come accustom to considering these coin and bills as money, and of having a true value. While this might seem to be true, and to some extent it is, but money in really just a note.

Hmmm, you might think a note? What does that really mean? A note is a piece of paper or coin that can be commonly traded for goods, and services. The big problem with this note, is that it has no true value.

What, what, does the mean? It simple means that that piece of paper or coin could one day become just what it is, paper or metal coin. It could one day just be come worthless. After all it is just a note, take a look at any printed US dollar, and you will see that it is called a note, and is used as legal tender.The value of this note, changes every single day.

If the US needs to have some more money in circulation they just print more, and as a result, it lowers the value of all of our notes. This even includes the notes we have invested in, even those notes we have sitting in the bank, and of course in our pockets.What caused all of this note madness you might be wondering? Well that is for another day.

Cancer and peaches...

2008-06-08T22:17:00.000-04:00

It has happened in my family again, cancer has reached out. This time it picked my sister, which is not really fair at all. My sister has so much already to deal with. Her three girls, and a mental ex husband should have been enough for fate to pass over her. She doesn't need cancer, she needs a nanny to help her. She is braver than she will ever give herself credit for being. The words cancer and fate are often used in the same sentence, to talk about the ones we love.

I love my sister, and I hate to talk about her as having cancer, she didn't want it. Cancer picked her, and fate can go fuck itself. I'm so weary from bad things striking the best people. Yeah, the best! My sister is one of the best people, I have the honor of knowing, and as I write this she is going through one of worst things to ever happen to her. I guess that could be debated since her ex husband is who he is.

Never the less, she has cancer, and I have to stop comparing what she is going through to what our mother went through. You see our mother died almost 15 years ago, it was cancer that took her too. It all started in much the same way for our mother, as it is starting for my sister.

I don't pray often at all, but the one thing I pray for is that my sister will not have to fight cancer off and on for years. I can only pray and hope that this will pass, without my sister asking for fresh peaches as she struggles to stay alive. Peaches were the last food my mother ate, before she lost her fight with cancer and fate.

Toast and crackers.

2008-06-06T18:27:00.000-04:00

If you suffer from GERD, then you know, what a "toast and cracker" day is all about. The only real difference is when can you eat the dam things? Now, in an hour, in four hours? What kinda day is that to look forward to? Where your only hope is a wondrous dinner of toast, with crackers on the side.

A few things still remain in the way, being stuck on the throne, to weak to make it to the kitchen, and of course needing to sleep. I might add more to this later, but for now it's back to rest...

Power and misdrection!

2008-06-03T19:09:00.000-04:00

This morning the power went out, sometime before the alarm clock was set to wake me up for an important day in court, before a mediator for the Friend of the Court. Well, I got a late start and hurried out the door, and then took a slow route to get to the I-696 freeway as all the on ramps are closed for miles heading west. This seems to happen ever year in Michigan, this year the reason is bridge repair, more than likely they really need to fix the crumbling things.

So, I'm driving and about 10 minutes or so away from there, and I take a right down the road and drive for a bit, after about 5 minutes or so, I realize I'm on Orchard lake road, and not on Elizabeth lake road. Dam, so I turn left, and go down Cass lake road, drive around the lake, and think man this is out of my way. I take a quick right, and start going in the right direction....NOT! So, I try to call the court, and I am on hold for like 10 minutes, so I hang up. Finally, I'm now 15 minutes late and I pull over for directions. She says, "Go three miles the other way, and take some crazy street name for one mile". After that I'm on Telegraph and heading in the right direction, Not! I turn around and then pass right by the road, can't find it. FFS, I am lost in area that I have been to over 30 times. Turn around go about 3 miles and there's my turn off. Finally Elizabeth Lake road, and between the turns I try to call the Court again, and of course get hold again. I hang up as I pull in to the parking lot! Go inside and wait to speak to the court assistant. She tells me, "no big deal, you have to be here next week at 1:30pm, same day of the week." I just hope next week is not the power outage, and misdirected day that today was! I just hope!

War, war never changes.

2008-05-31T15:59:00.000-04:00

War, the science of combat, or the art of killing other humans. Through the ages conflict has always been a major part of human existence. In you have read the Bible, it tells the story of Cain and Able, which to many can be considered the first human war, or conflict.

I am far from being an active member of any type of religion. Some times I wish that I could wake up and have faith in something other than myself. Has not happened yet and I doubt it every will. I had to talk about religion a bit, since so many of the worlds conflicts arise due to different dogma.

In the short history of mankind war has always existed, to the best of my knowledge, but I recall there being like a few hundred years totally free of conflict. Wars never change, they are fought for the same basic reasons. In no specific order, land or resources, religion or beliefs, and finally fear of the unknown.

Today the United States is involved in a war on terrorism, my question is how the hell do you win a war like this? I really do not think that any war can lead to a "winner", since everybody really losses in the end. Families are ripped apart, men and women are physically and mental injured many times beyond repair. How can you win a war, when it is about an ideal? You do not win, you will never win. The only solution is to fight for peace, to fight a war on war.

Yet, since war never changes, I do not see this ever happening. The US is fighting almost the same war that was fought several hundreds of years ago in the middle east, then they called it the Holy Crusades, and today it is called a War on Terror. War never changes.

Silence is Golden, or is it...

2008-05-28T19:14:00.000-04:00

We all have moments of stress in our life, when we are faced with choices, situations, and experiences that can be over whelming. I tend to shut down and put a temporary lid on the top of everything, this means everything in my life gets the lid. From my wife, to my thoughts, everything is closed up tight, and sealed. Then I withdraw and try to see how all this can be solved, or dealt with. Wow, that sounds so very easy, but what a bunch of shit it causes.

Today I feel assaulted, under siege from all directions. Thankfully my wife is a calming force, who tends to handle things one at a time, as fast as possible. This is so different from me, but I have the greatest respect for her emotional strength.

On the other hand I tend to spend a bit to much time looking at the issue, before acting. I have the attitude of fuck that, fuck this, it can wait, or it we be taken care of later, let me freak out a bit, and then calm down. Maybe I escape in to the issue and get stuck there for a while, and that while can turn in to longer, and longer. One day I should work on being able to resolve these stress issues in a better manner, but part of me doesn't want to even consider that. It feels comfortable for me to be swirling around, a stress ball, being attacked from all directions. (All Paladins are used to be under attack in all directions*) Some of my stress converts to anger, which is much easier for me to wear.

Yes, I wear anger like an old pair of comfortable jeans, we have covered miles and years together. You see anger is the first emotion that I convert everything too. Well, almost everything! This was a dysfunctional emotional gift from my "sperm donor", and it is a part of me that can never be removed. I would write more but I have to address some pressing issues, dam stress, and to the hell with it!

*Fact taken from the Handbook of Paladins, "Randonammy Books", Phillip Shackelford, Work in process.

Morning, afternoon, hmmmm....

2008-05-27T13:10:00.000-04:00

It seems an odd thing has happened lately around the "old homestead", the two primary dwellers in this domicile have forgone all semblance of a sleeping schedule. My god, we are going against the grain of evolution, and no one can stop us. Since we got a free trail month of WOW, World of Warcraft, we are taking shifts playing the game. I have the late shift which works for me, but maybe not the neighbors as I yell at the screen when I die, or scream out in joy, due to the quick escape of jumping off a cliff, and taking the "mob of arrgo", Large group of enemies, with me. Hey, try to stay with this alright. If your lost, stop reading this entry, open a new tab, and go to the site: http://www.urbandictionary.com/ There you can look up the more complex terms to follow.

WOW, If you do not know what that is, pull your head out of your ass and look around a bit. It is the most popular MMORPG to date. OMG, WTF, - I will give you one last one: it stands for massive multi player online role playing game, you noob. You would be so pwd'ed, your carebear ass would be hoping on to Maplestory for some fun time - ROFL.

Back to the whole point of this post, WOW, has taken over, and we both need help...Shhh.. it can hear you. TTYL, BFN

Memorial Day and Camping, why?

2008-05-26T16:30:00.000-04:00

Over the years it has always caused me a great deal of confusion, that on Memorial Day everyone packs up their various vehicles and heads out of town, to enjoy some outdoor fun. What the hell are you all thinking? Camping, fishing, and beer, wrong! This day is about honoring those that have served our country and ensured our freedom. A day to reflect on those who were brave enough to make the ultimate sacrifice, not those brave enough to not sleep on air mattresses. As you drive your polluting SUV 400 miles for the perfect camp site, another solider has given their life.

Yet, what's on your mind, beer and bust. Did you even take a moment during your drive to talk about what today is? Did you call a vet and say thank you for all they have done? Please the "We Support Our Troops" bumper sticker is not even close enough, even it it was pasted square on your blank, sheepish face!