Today, was not like other days. Ripped apart by the chaos of life. Some unending memories of times gone by, yet they have not traveled far enough down the road. It is a funny thing, this grief that is tearing away at me, time should close these wounds. It seems like forever ago it happened, it was not a shock or a surprise. I fully knew what was going to happen, or so I thought. I was shocked at what I was asked to do, to take care of...
Why? I was the oldest in the family, or maybe He could not handle it, or waste his time with it. Just a few days before this, I zipped up a body bag, and helped carry her to a hearse. She was so young, and full of life, how could this be? Any small amount of fairness and faith I had left went with her.
The question of humanity has been swilling through my mind, much like a leaf caught by the wind and set adrift. I have mixed grief and humanity together in to a depressing and endless question.
Why, was it so easy for him? I know the love they shared, in many ways was over and he had already moved on.
Fuck this is not what I wanted to write about tonight, so I think this is enough of my spilling out.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A Quick year!
Wow, I really never do update this blog at all. The last year has brought a new series of trails and tribulations. New setbacks, and some minor steps forward. Really, it is more like crawling around in the dark, while being deaf at the same time. When I look back it seems so surreal. Time has been twisted and the days blurred. Not sure that it really even matters anymore?
Time to change my direction and look forward again, maybe put on some blinders so I can not see to the sides, and totally lose the view of the past. I have to resolve some things in my life. As I get older it seems so very important that I speak the truth loud and clear. I have to speak to several people, and if you are reading this you are more than likely ones of those individuals. Setting right some wrongs, and wronging some rights.
I must seek closure, or something that is close to that. Maybe, I can just agree to disagree. Yet, that never seems to sit well with me.
Time to change my direction and look forward again, maybe put on some blinders so I can not see to the sides, and totally lose the view of the past. I have to resolve some things in my life. As I get older it seems so very important that I speak the truth loud and clear. I have to speak to several people, and if you are reading this you are more than likely ones of those individuals. Setting right some wrongs, and wronging some rights.
I must seek closure, or something that is close to that. Maybe, I can just agree to disagree. Yet, that never seems to sit well with me.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Rants of the wired, be warned...
Wow, This blog is looking barren for 2010.
Some things that have happened so far this year, not in any order at all.
-Spent a wonder night with Wife, many times.
-Major kitchen fire, stayed at a local hotel for a week.
-Started a Group Therapy session, meets weekly.
-My wife, Dawn, in the hospital for about a few days, several times.
-Me, down with the flu and in bed for about a week and a half.
-Have really slowed down life due to chronic pain.
-My son, Drake, getting in trouble at school and being grounded.
-Me and my wife not communicating well, but in the end better then ever.
-After an almost 3 year battle with Social Security, I finally got approved.
-We move in to a new Place in Rochester Hills.
-Saw my first 3-D movie in 20 years and man, they rock now!
-Celebrated Christmas and Easter together with Rachel and her kids.
-Installed a ceiling fan, in fact three.
-Repaired the shower, and sink, and the other sink.
-Gotten really closer to my Son!
-Fixed the Oven Burner, needed a new one.
-Drove my Wife around, about 20 thousand miles.
-Rode with my Wife in car, about 2 miles, scared to death! LOL
-Missed having my Mom around. RIP 8/4/1993.
-Sick in bed for two to four days, at least 6 times.
-Drove my Son around, about 195 thousand miles ;-D
-Have been focusing on improving my overall health.
-Sleep walking around the house, but not outside, yet!
-Cheated on my Wife with four Whores at once! JK (Test to see if you ever read this)
-Wondering how to deal with "things in regard" to Lance.
-Trying to improve my memory, and concentration.
-Repaired the shower again, broken water diverter.
-And and on it goes, just a bit slower now...
Some things that have happened so far this year, not in any order at all.
-Spent a wonder night with Wife, many times.
-Major kitchen fire, stayed at a local hotel for a week.
-Started a Group Therapy session, meets weekly.
-My wife, Dawn, in the hospital for about a few days, several times.
-Me, down with the flu and in bed for about a week and a half.
-Have really slowed down life due to chronic pain.
-My son, Drake, getting in trouble at school and being grounded.
-Me and my wife not communicating well, but in the end better then ever.
-After an almost 3 year battle with Social Security, I finally got approved.
-We move in to a new Place in Rochester Hills.
-Saw my first 3-D movie in 20 years and man, they rock now!
-Celebrated Christmas and Easter together with Rachel and her kids.
-Installed a ceiling fan, in fact three.
-Repaired the shower, and sink, and the other sink.
-Gotten really closer to my Son!
-Fixed the Oven Burner, needed a new one.
-Drove my Wife around, about 20 thousand miles.
-Rode with my Wife in car, about 2 miles, scared to death! LOL
-Missed having my Mom around. RIP 8/4/1993.
-Sick in bed for two to four days, at least 6 times.
-Drove my Son around, about 195 thousand miles ;-D
-Have been focusing on improving my overall health.
-Sleep walking around the house, but not outside, yet!
-Cheated on my Wife with four Whores at once! JK (Test to see if you ever read this)
-Wondering how to deal with "things in regard" to Lance.
-Trying to improve my memory, and concentration.
-Repaired the shower again, broken water diverter.
-And and on it goes, just a bit slower now...
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
48 Hour trip...
It has been well over four years since the last trip up North. My wife and I drove up to Brethren, close to Manistee National Forest to visit her Aunts who live there. Her Aunt Monica was just released from the hospital the day before, after a month long battle with her health, that she almost lost.
The weather was great, and so was the time spent. It was a great relief for me to see my wife so happy, and to see her Aunts. Mary and Monica are both well into their seventy's now, and have lived on the same land for about forty five years. It was Aunt Mary who bought the fifteen acres, years ago for $750, and got another five acres after that. I had to laugh at the cost of the land, about 50 dollars an acre when Aunt Mary told me the story of how they came to live in such a remote place.
The land backs up against the border of the State Forest, so you walk out the back door, keep going for a bit and behold you are in the State Park!
I am sure that I can not come close to describing the beauty of the place they live, or the land they own. The barn, and the various other buildings that were built on this working farm, are in need of some repair. Livestock was mostly raised here, horses, chickens, and the lot. The last thing raised on this land was Fallow Deer, and of course some "barn cats", which were here in the hundreds, before the coyotes moved through the area. This place is every persons dream of what some land "Up North" should look like.
At night the stars were overhead waiting to greet my sight, with the awe and splendor that can only be seen in far away places. The thousand trees rustled in the soft breeze, singing out the wonderful song playing in my mind. For a few moments I was one with the land, the sky, and myself. All three united in a dance of boundless beauty, transcending time and space.
The weather was great, and so was the time spent. It was a great relief for me to see my wife so happy, and to see her Aunts. Mary and Monica are both well into their seventy's now, and have lived on the same land for about forty five years. It was Aunt Mary who bought the fifteen acres, years ago for $750, and got another five acres after that. I had to laugh at the cost of the land, about 50 dollars an acre when Aunt Mary told me the story of how they came to live in such a remote place.
The land backs up against the border of the State Forest, so you walk out the back door, keep going for a bit and behold you are in the State Park!
I am sure that I can not come close to describing the beauty of the place they live, or the land they own. The barn, and the various other buildings that were built on this working farm, are in need of some repair. Livestock was mostly raised here, horses, chickens, and the lot. The last thing raised on this land was Fallow Deer, and of course some "barn cats", which were here in the hundreds, before the coyotes moved through the area. This place is every persons dream of what some land "Up North" should look like.
At night the stars were overhead waiting to greet my sight, with the awe and splendor that can only be seen in far away places. The thousand trees rustled in the soft breeze, singing out the wonderful song playing in my mind. For a few moments I was one with the land, the sky, and myself. All three united in a dance of boundless beauty, transcending time and space.
Friday, September 11, 2009
"I was going to take his Soul!"
This Labor Day get together hosted by my brother and his wife. It was a wonderful group of family, some new and many old friends. I felt so much better, and had more hope for our family than I have had in over two years.
More to come....Sleepy.....not really any more than this
*~~~~ Night
More to come....Sleepy.....not really any more than this
*~~~~ Night
Monday, August 31, 2009
Death in every verse...
Cock it back and watch it go.
It really is about that simple; in this violent culture we are inborn to, and then further in forced by all that we are subjected to. It sometimes shocks me that one does not see more on the nightly news, but it's not like that anyone under fifty is watching. Yeah, but not what I really came on to rant about....
I hear words spill and tumble from the mouths of adults to the smallest of us. Can it be that only I hear death in every verse. What has to happen to open the minds, much less the ears of the masses.
What have the collective institutions taught us?
What have our role models helped with?
What have our peers shared with us?
Not enough...
It really is about that simple; in this violent culture we are inborn to, and then further in forced by all that we are subjected to. It sometimes shocks me that one does not see more on the nightly news, but it's not like that anyone under fifty is watching. Yeah, but not what I really came on to rant about....
I hear words spill and tumble from the mouths of adults to the smallest of us. Can it be that only I hear death in every verse. What has to happen to open the minds, much less the ears of the masses.
What have the collective institutions taught us?
What have our role models helped with?
What have our peers shared with us?
Not enough...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Are you just an Ant?
The movie the "Bucket List", (BTW, a must see IMHO) has a great quote:
"We Live, We Die, and The wheels on the bus go round and round"
I'm not so sure that it really is that simple, or maybe it just is, yet I would like to believe we are all here for a purpose. Maybe not a great humanity changing purpose.
Yet, most days, I feel like an ant, yes, those tiny insects running around in crazy paths. They seem to be doing nothing, but in fact are take care of the basic needs of their colony, the family.
In contrast to the vast size of the universe we live in, we are all ants! Yeah, some of the these ants have helped the colony, or civilization. They have made major leaps in production, energy, and least I not mention the great jumps in technology. Yet at the end of the day are we more than just a bigger version and hopefully smarter form of an ant.
Look around, look up...save the planet...do you think this planet needs us...we might want to start focusing on saving the big ants, and the small ones too. This planet Earth can survive for millions of years with out any big ants, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
"We Live, We Die, and The wheels on the bus go round and round"
I'm not so sure that it really is that simple, or maybe it just is, yet I would like to believe we are all here for a purpose. Maybe not a great humanity changing purpose.
Yet, most days, I feel like an ant, yes, those tiny insects running around in crazy paths. They seem to be doing nothing, but in fact are take care of the basic needs of their colony, the family.
In contrast to the vast size of the universe we live in, we are all ants! Yeah, some of the these ants have helped the colony, or civilization. They have made major leaps in production, energy, and least I not mention the great jumps in technology. Yet at the end of the day are we more than just a bigger version and hopefully smarter form of an ant.
Look around, look up...save the planet...do you think this planet needs us...we might want to start focusing on saving the big ants, and the small ones too. This planet Earth can survive for millions of years with out any big ants, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
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